Pain

I wish I could drink your pain
And free you
To see what I see

Why do you still curl up
And keep yourself wounded
Don't you see
That its you who doesn't let you heal?

A million reasons you have got
To convince yourself of your aching heart
And you think you would even
Convince a Budhha of your misfortune

See that its your unconscious question to God
You ask him
Do you see my suffering?
Is there anybody who understands my pain?
You see?

Know that he sees everything
He has become you
And suffers as you
He, as You has become utterly helpless
So helpless that you
Don't even consider yourself worthy of begging

You see that you can't take it anymore
Yet you don't see how you can- not drag yourself
Endlessly sinking away from all light

I constantly hover over you
But there is no space
There is no space for me
To come inside of you

You see how you have trapped the God inside
With your own reason?
You have defeated God
Because he doesn't know
The way of his own exit

Do something
Please do something
Do it somehow

I know you
I see everything
I have been you
And I have been me

I have lived as you
And I have transcended you
Know that its possible

Don't ask me
What's at the other end
Because you are such an idiot
That you will sleep more

Just ask how?
Ask how?
Ask how?
Ask.
Ask.

d/dx

The operator d/dx, has brought tears of pain in many eyes and has let to an outcry from many as 'tell me one real life situation where this comes of use'. It recently occurred to me, relating to my own experience, that in the domain of self inquiry, the way it happens, the way the dis-attachment of the consciousness from the pre-assumed identity 'I' happens, is quite similar to the polynomial which when subjected to d/dx gets reduced, a degree at a time, unless only a constant with no variable is remaining.

Whatever opinions, judgments or interpretations one has are centered around the false 'I' that is the ego. All the thoughts one can have, when traced back at the root, has the false root as this 'I'. Now when one questions the validity of this 'I' itself, the source of all thought, something else, something of another dimension starts happening. Then one witnesses the reduction of this complex paraphernalia of emotions, stories, past, future, guilt, suffering, confusion, anxiety, happiness, sadness, all that is the product of the unconscious attachment with the false 'I' coming into the witnessing light and disappearing bit by bit. The whole life story one has built around this variable 'I' starts to crack and starts getting reduced to lesser and lesser degree of complexity.

The tool d/dI is the device formulated by the realized masters. Some are in the form of self inquiry,  some in the form of self remembrance and much more.. These tools are there to reduce the complex mess that is this 'I', to annihilate this 'I', to free the consciousness from the false identification with the body-mind, and to reveal its true nature.  The unchanging constant that remains is something beyond description and has to be tasted only by being that..  

Fall

Walking on a tight rope
Falling down in the abyss
Finding the rope again
Falling again
Finding yourself on rope again
And again
And again
Trying to fall again
And finding the abyss is gone
The rope is gone

The nothingness of a thought can be watched from the nothingness of everything.
There is no thinker.
Once watched a thought come and go, the watcher will come forth.
That is your seat. 

Khumar

Is there anything here

That is not drunk

Have you heard the way

The blackbird sings
And how the sparrows
Play around

There is only one being

The ancient one 

His ways are such

That his multiplicity

Knows his oneness 

All parts of the whole

Are the whole itself

With full awareness

Every expression of him

Is his own story 

And his glory

The falling leaf

Was infact a butterfly 

I don't know 

Myself anymore

I was in search of 

His knowledge

But he is a drink 

He himself a spoilt

The distant stars
The white clouds
The moon
Have arrived here now

Now there is only 

One thing going on

I am

Calling

All of the aspirations a human can have are, in turn, this or that form of pleasure, power or knowledge. The unbound, unconditioned nature of human consciousness, in its most pure form, freed from all the impressions and conditioning is the house of these three attributes in their limitless nature.
That pleasure is not an outcome of  some happening but the inherent nature.
That power is not power over others but the source of energy itself manifesting in the form of life.
That knowledge is not the information about anything but the recognition of the true Self.
The call is from the real self. It reaches the person through his own ideas about the reality which he collects as per his conditioning and this call gets twisted and gives rise to personal ambitions, desires, conquests and so on...  

Why attributes?

What-is is simple
Without attributes
Then why talk about it

Talk is needed to know what is not
Everything you know
Is not
What is not has attributes
Hence for what-is
There are negative attributes

What-is is neither this
Nor that
Neither free
Nor bound
Neither happy
Nor sad
Name it and its not that

There is a domain of opposites
What-is transcends that  

Uncertainty

The level of uncertainty one allows or enjoys in their life is normally, though not necessarily, in direct relation to the level of certainty they have. For instance, a person having enough economical support can afford to take chances and experiment with his career without bothering much about the monetary returns. Someone with a fair and smooth inflow of money can take a couple of months or a year off from their usual activities and go travelling, exploring and so on. So the relative uncertainty one can afford to allow correlates directly to the relative certainty they have of their assets, safety, life, relationships and innumerable other factors one holds important.
So now, if we take things to the extreme, what would it take to allow absolute uncertainty in one's life? Is it possible? Is it possible to just live with no intention to direct the course of things in any particular direction and let the story be played by itself? What would it take? What kind of certainty would it take to allow everything you hold as yours including this body and this life to be acted out without your control?
This is Zen. This is Yoga. This is the oneness.This is Advaita. The universal consciousness. Awakening. This is the living mystery of existence. This certainty nullifies every attempt of the ego to strife and perpetuate. The food for the ego is separation of this body-mind from the whole. What purpose remains for the ego when the oneness is consciously experienced? When there is only you, you as the whole, you alone as the conscious unity of this existence, not in theory, not as a belief, not as a poetic expression, not as a sad feel good lullaby, not as an imagination but the direct recognition of your non divisibility, the living truth as you being everything, at the same time being nothing, a constant fountain of awareness without any past or future, the source of the matter and energy, the conscious witness of this play where there are no players, where everything happens without any intent and nothing ever goes wrong, where you see the perfection and the utter simplicity of all the existence...

When I try seize it
I separate myself from it
How can I seize it
When I am it

The art is to let what-is be

How can I be free
Free from whom
When I am all there is

What is there for me to do
The doing has disappeared
I don't even know myself
I know what's not
And what-is remains unknown
Its being
Not knowing

Undo Me

There are ways to resolve the mess that is you. To undo you can be a very long and systematic, methodical process, at the same time it can be instantaneous. Your knot is being untied on its own in some instances that you are unaware of. These are the direct entry points. Once you tap into- from these entry points, you are there. However, not for long. When you are back, this time there has been a change. Your body-mind is not the same now as it was before you tapped into--. The mind will try to put your experience in some perspective and name it. Do not bother. Just know that its the mind's another to-be-failed attempt at grasping what-is.
These entry points into the absolute - being innumerable - you can identify your own- that you discover on your own. Some of these are- the gap between the breathing cycles-between the inhalation and exhalation - exhalation and the next inhalation- the mind stops when the breathing stops- at the gap you cannot think- at the gap there is silence-which when you stay there will sink in-
Another slide is through the gap between thoughts-when you are watching your thoughts come and go-without following any one of them-you will come across a gap-when one thought passes and another appears-there is a gap-being there-you are directly home-
The mind will not understand that how can the realization be so close- it's true that its not so close- actually its very far-but there seems so much distance between you and your goal because of the immense simplicity of the truth- the mind will take its own time give up the resistance- however do not bother. You just keep jumping- every time you jump to the destination- you can't stay there- you will be thrown back, but you will be thrown back one step closer than where you jumped from--

The ways how the fictions story of 'me' perpetuates- once analyzed-- revealed many loopholes in the egoic story-- identify how you are deceiving yourself--
Some examples being-- Guilt- The ego is guilty-- But the true self is free of any guilt. Whenever you are guilty in your story-- know that its not you and it will be dropped on its own--
Its possible to identify single attributes of the egoic ways and keep dropping it, at the same time, knowing that the whole story you tell yourself is false-- the whole story about your past, future, good or bad events in your life--the whole story is false-- not a single word of it is true-- knowing this will not invest any more energy into the false story and automatically the jump will happen
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A single moment of content-less consciousness
This is home
When there is no story
No actor
No player
Nothing to hold on to
Nothing to get rid of