Faith

Insufficiency is nothing but the loss of perspective. In retrospect, everything is deducible as happening for good. However during the tough times, the conviction based on just the memory or a reasonable understanding doesn't work. The other side of the story, which would balance out the good and bad, disappears and what remains is just despair. On the other hand, during apparently good times, one doesn't want to look and consider the not so apparent negative side of the story. Faith is the remembrance of the unknown absolute and a conviction that there is a space that is the background of the happenings in life. Faith is something that even if you are currently identifying yourself as the happenings in your life, you have a conviction that there is a something which exists which transcends the duality of the mind. Its a conviction that the virtues of compassion, love, kindness are not to be cultivated or forced,  but in fact are spontaneous occurrences when you will have transcended the land of should and should not. Faith is a happening in which the mind accepts itself as being blind and incapable of perceiving the absolute, it does not know anything beyond itself yet surrenders itself to extinction.

∞ * 0

I remember one Incident from a maths class during Bachelor's

The teacher asked a question 'what is infinity multiplied by zero'
To go there. he took some steps
Firstly we know from the usual ruler we use has 10 divisions of 0.1 cm from 0 to 1
So 10 * 0.1 = 1
if we have 20 divisions of 0.05, then
     20 * 0.05=1
continuing this way..

    1000 * 0.001= 1

and so on... we have

     ∞ * 0 = 1  

Now we had taken a finite length of 1 cm to demonstrate the example. But it can be replaced by any finite value.

So it gives, that, infinite divisions of zero length gives any finite value.

So, literally, it means that an infinity is contained in any finite value. On some level, there should be no distinction and comparison of shapes and sizes. 

Well, it was on the top of my head right now.. 

:D

You echo my sound
Into my own laughter
There is a magic
When I speak to you

So vast and limitless you are
You don't ask for any sense
You are amazed
When you see yourself reflected in me

You look at yourself
As if
I am looking down in the ocean
An ocean upside down

Who are you
You show yourself to me through
the swift dance of leaves with the wind
You sing about yourself
Through the birds and howling wind

Is this my way of knowing you
Or is it your way of knowing me

This is our language
This is our music
This is our poison 

Maybe life wants to
Put Xs in all the boxes

When it puts first X
Don't rush to put your O there

Then all the boxes will be
slowly filled with Xs
That's abundance
And not a game to win 

Metaphors

In the world of logic
You are looked as absurd Metaphors
They want bricks
To build a construct
That's why there is incompleteness

They can't construct
The world based on Metaphors
Nothing could be chained together
Logic fails to see
The missing space in between
That could not be bridged

Let's dance in that space
Let's laugh in that space
Let's love in that space 

Multiverses

Isn't the multiverse right here
with each of us in different universes
And this place is the complex intersection
of the many universes

Isn't time travel right here
when one is still
and shifting towards something

I saw you then
I see you now
We recognize each other
From a time before
From a different world

This me is not me
This you is not you
This world is one of the possibilities
It existed for only that instant
Then you moved
And I moved
Never to see again
Yet always to exist in that instant  

What is that,
that's concealed in my breath
that's the canvas of this painting
that's the rain of silence

Strange is that
that's like a waking dream
that's when the space is alive

So gentle is that
that I cannot breath it in
that I cannot perceive it as a memory
that doesn't exist if I know of it and bother

Such is this rain
that doesn't touch me
although I drown in it

Such delicate is this balance
which doesn't exist
if I try

Is it that which
My master is talking about
Such simplicity
Such love

Do you remember the time
When you had no memory?
No breath inside the body

How was it like there
In the essence
Where were you
In the heart, in the head?
Or were you the mother?

Do you remember the first sensation
On your clear blank being
What was it
A sound, a light or was it
The breath itself

The Last Translation

All the things I saw as my past

That was the future 

Looking back at past

Suddenly I was looking at the past at my front 

and not at the back

Because the recognition is first

And then there are events

The recognition is before the events

But maybe the recognizer is veiled 

The recognition is naive and gullible 

Through the maze of the meanings 

I cut through 

To the last translation 

To the last contradiction

I stand now at the recognition 

And I fall in conflict   

There is the raining silence 

And uprooting chaos 

I put my guard down 

And there is reverence 

The dance of creation 

The silent explosion 

The ever imploding expression

The intellect surrenders 

To the mercy of the master

Loss

I have memorized the words

Which I don't understand 

I have debated fiercely 

To veil my ignorance 

I stand for something 

To forget that I am falling

I am ready to sacrifice my life

Which I have never lived

I am ready to kill

Because I am dead inside

I want to destroy 

Because I am afraid of extinction 

I want to protect my culture

Because I do not understand it 

I want to destroy 'their' culture

Because I have not found mine

What am I waiting to happen

To take a pause

Madness has taken over me

And I have gone unstoppable

So that I do not know the truth 

I am searching something

Without knowing what is lost

I speak of truth 

Without knowing what is false

I put on a mask

And go on about

Following the trend 

Pretending everything is all right 

 

Update on dimensions

When I wrote about the 'dimensions' as it appeals to me and the way I used to correlate and extrapolate my own understandings on different topics, I was in a state of glee to be able to put my tenuous understanding in some play of words which barely qualified to be even called sentences. At the time of writing it, I figured out a trend in myself that as soon as I attempted on summarizing my understanding on the subject of the real nature of the the self, mind and consciousness, as soon as I tried to put up the vague and discrete glimpses of understandings into words, the meaning or conclusion with which I started to write itself would fall apart. Even before stating my reasoning which would arrive at a conclusion, I had a feeling that I am being wrong on so many levels.

I used to think that consciousness has some kind of levels which are associated with the complexity of material structure and both, the matter and consciousness are linked in some way. In my understanding, the illusion meant the distorted picture of the reality as perceived by the brain. I used to think that all the conditioning the brain undergoes, does some form of altercations in the way the atoms or molecules are arranged in the brain (literally a twisted mind :D) and the true realization must be a physical process when these 'knots' are somehow undone and one attains a state of perception of reality free from all sorts of prior conditioning. So somehow brain was the ultimate thing of consideration for me. And I imagined a state of complete awareness would mean a full use of the brain to grasp and hold the complete picture. And being able to do this 'task' and being free from the illusion of suffering was the only thing seemed worthy to me. And being engulfed in the day to day activities seemed like a complete waste of life and a strong sense of meaningless which has chased me over the years had finally met me in a corner from where I had no escape routes. I knew very well there are extremely dark corners in my mind where there is a buffet of unlimited twisted realities and hard to escape traps which I had fabricated on my own while 'contemplating' many unnecessary explanations of the 'reality' which are just eternally ready to victimize me and cause intolerable psychological torture. Every little event happening around caused such horrifying reverberations of false interpretations and got coupled with self loathing and I dwelled in that state.
My self image was so pitiful and a sense of conflict drowned me so deep that even with the simplest task of breathing demanded an effort.

When I look back now I see that as a kid I had an above average (compared to my surroundings) ability to grasp, analyse and process the information which made me perform better in school. It was followed by an unreasonable appreciation from my folks which formed a sense of a scholarly pride in me. Slowly there was a creation of self image and it mistook itself for being wise. The grand mistake was to try to assume blindly that the purpose and the meaning of life is understood with the immense analysis and contemplation. Initially it was exhilarating to ponder over things and get amused by small little 'discoveries' you make. However, years and years of obsession and a growing realization of the incapability to 'know it' made life an extremely arduous task. The deep rooted confusion had started to show the impacts in the smallest and most superficial events and decisions in life and soon I was completely wrecked.

Even if I heard it a thousand times before that one can't understand the truth, I never really had understood such a simple thing. However, somehow when it occurred to me that it is not the function of one's thinking to understand the meaning of life, it is not the task that I have to solve with understanding through mind, I do not have to solve the question of life with the help of the intellect, my thinking mind does not have to know the meaning of life, it felt like heavy heavy massive weight equal to that of the Jupiter was lifted from my shoulders and it would cause me to jump with a fucking escape velocity of the whole galaxy. It is not you who is trapped in the circle of suffering but just a play of the mind. This very sentence was also known to me before but maybe when there is an insight which separates the self from the mind, its true meaning of it is conveyed. Its not that I now know what I was looking for, its just a sense that clarified to me that the darkness doesn't belong to me but it is just a some kind of disease that my mind has got. And it is possible to put the attention away from the mind in the presence and stop being dragged in a never ending void.

Also from that it derives that all kinds of judgements, good or bad are simply a product of the mind. For example, if there is insecurity present in the mind, it will create a story to fit to events in life and interpret that you need to do so and so to become more secure. But once you take these measures to feel more secure, the insecurity points at some other things as its cause. Some more commonly occurring dysfunction I observed in the mind is 'what could have been', 'what if this goes wrong', 'what if I spend unsuccessful life'. There are ways also to eliminate these things but its a very big relief to know that there is a possibility to step back and take out your attention from the chattering of  the mind.

So long and thanks for all the fish.

Last line doesn't make sense?

I am so glad it doesn't.

:)