Abyss

I remember reading somewhere about a good advise to come up with something. It says about filling up the volume of work after which you start to see your work taking some shape. In my personal experience, this also goes with your thinking. Everyone is in a constant process of making their own understanding of this world, universe and themselves. I have seen myself thinking about purpose, reason and the whole meaning of existence since I was is school (maybe around 14/15) and there has been tremendous amount of churning of thoughts ever since. Sometimes when I got some new insights and understanding of the world and self, through philosophy, science, religious texts or discussions with other people, it was exciting. Then there has been number of times full of despair and loss of reason. The whole existence seemed just futile and things happening as haywire with no laws attached to them. Somewhere in my mind I knew that this is a phase of crisis which I have to pass through, even if it means examining the same thoughts with no new insights again and again and even if I was feeling I am being drowned more and more into my own construction of abstract and useless philosophy. One of the things I came across today while checking the old drafts goes like...


Even Zaphod Beeblebrox fails today to pull me out of this despair, to pull me out of the unending quest of the   profound whose existence I have started to doubt. I remember so many hours of discussions, contemplation about the human reason, its purpose and everything else and even the need of an individual to ponder over these things.

Is the ultimate longing of a human being is to get a larger perspective? Are we destined to struggle and fail at comprehending the limitless possibilities and probabilities of existence? Its like through the whole journey of life you knew what it was but still you wasted your time searching for it? Why do we constantly have to torture our i.....

Maybe more than three years have passed since I was writing the above things. Today I could find a profound difference between my thoughts then and now. I don't claim to have become all knowing all of a sudden, still I can see more clarity towards the path I want to walk in my life. And if someone is reading, I would say do not give up doing anything you like because it looks fruitless or useless. Whether it be daydreaming, dancing, watching moon, thinking, just sitting, reading 'useless' things etc.. because I believe the only thing matters is commitment and whole heart. For anything. The magic exists and it starts to make wonders after you have done your time. And after that there is no worrying for the 'useless' things like success/failure, useful/useless, whether is not is the thing you like is going to bring you anything good... One thing I can say I have learnt is that the biggest secrets of the universe are revealed through everything that is there in the universe. Just pour your heart to something and let the joy pour itself on you :)